It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
