just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
