Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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