cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
