I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
