well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
