Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it glows. i had to have it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
