Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I currently don't understand fingers.
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