I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just found puke in my bra..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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