would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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