Reggie can tackle my bush.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
