I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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