When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
His nipple licking is glorious
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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