A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
