margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
