Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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