I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
