Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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