i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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