I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
