I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
