dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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