I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
