She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
