That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
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Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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