but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
