last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
