There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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