My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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