i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
