We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
