This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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