Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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