is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
