Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's just like the Real World with babies
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
