Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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