Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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