Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
