Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
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He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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