i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm passing your future prison.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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