I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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