Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
