i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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