Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.