my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
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