Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.