god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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