You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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