How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
