you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
