Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
