Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
