I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
