So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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