rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
