Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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