I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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