I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
