so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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