the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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