why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
