You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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