we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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