Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
