My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
