We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
