I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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