He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
