Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
